May 22nd 2011, My Story…

Not a year passes that May 22nd doesn’t stir up all the feelings. Deep inside it still haunts me and sometimes I still find myself wondering if it is going to “break” again.

6 years ago today, we experienced something that changed us forever. I’ve blogged about the aftermath of that day a few times before, but I have never really shared about what happened in the moments before and at 5:41.

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Making a House a Home

My sentimental side sometimes gets the best of me and lately it has been a battle.

When we put the for sale sign in the yard, exactly 5 years from the day that we moved in, my mind flooded with memories and my eyes filled with tears. I want to sell our home, I want to move on, I really feel like we are going after a dream and there will be no regrets. But the emotional connections we have to this home are strong and the memories here will never be forgotten. Since this dates back to my pre blogging days, I wanted to tell the story of how we made this house our home.

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Care Less, Why I’m Questioning & Challenging My Focus

I have had this post in my drafts for about 6 weeks now. I’m not sure if it was a lack of sleep, something I ate, conversations that I had with others, or if I am just loosing my ever lovin’ mind. But something sparked, clicked, or possibly exploded and it came out as word vomit. I’m sorry. I know that isn’t the best or most visually pleasing expression to use, but it’s the only one that makes sense. After a period of sitting on this post I finally decided to click the publish button. 

I feel I should put out a disclaimer to warn you that I am speaking from MY heart. What I have to say is completely directed towards myself. My goal is not to offend anyone, just to share how I am feeling.

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How We Fight to Keep Our Marriage Strong

In the spirit of being completely honesty, I avoided writing this blog post for pretty much the entire day on Sunday… and Monday. I was lost at the direction I wanted to take and the advice I wanted to give on the topic of marriage. Do I look at the marriage Russ and I have and feel like we have things are going well for us, yes! But putting into words the details on how we are doing that throws me for a loop. Now would also be a good time to point out that we certainly have our fair share of disagreements and annoyances. Our relationship is by no means perfect. 

Finally, after staring at the computer screen and trying to get my thoughts organized for what felt like forever, I decided to just start writing. Wouldn’t you know it worked like a charm. I don’t think what I have to share is anything groundbreaking or new, but I do hope it encourages you to work on strengthening your marriage. 

Keeping your marriage STRONG. God, marriage, children. How and why we have set our priorities.

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Interruptions Are Your Work, How Four Words Changed My Attitude About Mothering

I was sitting in church like any other Sunday morning when the pastor began to tell a story. He spoke of a college professor and the sign that hung over his doorway. The sign was there to remind him to keep his attitude in check every time that someone walked through the door. It read…

Interruptions Are Your Work!

He went on to speak of how as Christians, we should embrace this mindset. Interruptions are our work. We are constantly given chances to do or to serve but how many times do we grumble or complain when they come at “the wrong times”. It was an oh so truthful and oh so powerful point. After the sermon concluded I couldn’t shake those four words and for the past two weeks they have weighed heavy on my heart.

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Thoughts About Red Pens

I started using red pens to grade the girls school work this year. I bought them impulsively on a quick supply trip the day before we started our homeschool year. I had always avoided using them before, but for some reason I thought they might help to make things easier, especially with two students. The first day of class while grading Marissa’s math I pulled out a pen and put a red X by an answer she had missed.

Then I just sat there and stared at it.
I hate red pens.

I have always hated red pens. It began when I was a kindergartener who was sent home with a red sad face drawn on her paper. I cried in the car of the school parking lot and begged my mom to go inside and make the teacher change it. Something inside me cringed over the failure the red pen highlighted.

As I added more red X’s on Marissa’s paper, memories and thoughts flooded my brain. I wondered how she would feel about my red pen. Would she eye roll the marks it left, groan at the sight of them, would she ever hide it from me when I left the room, and cry over her schoolwork?

Then my thoughts went deeper…
I began to wonder how marks left by a red pen would make her feel about herself.

How a red pen reminded me of the power of words
The world is full of red pens and people who use them recklessly. Countless times every single day we are given the chance to leave our mark. We can label failures, criticize choices, or put giant x’s across the things we don’t like about someone. We can shake confidence, make someone doubt self-worth, and beat them down with our words, attitudes, and actions.The mark we leave on the lives of others is overwhelming.

Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit—you choose.
Proverbs 18:21 The Message

This, this is something I struggle with. Some days frustrations get the best of me and without thinking I find myself spinning out of control. Saying things I can’t take back, leaving marks that won’t erase and causing pain that is so familiar to me, in the life of another. Often my girls fall victim to the momster I become.

I want my words to speak life. 

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.
Psalm 19:14

She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
Proverbs 31:26

These verses are the prayers and the meditation of my heart.
It is an ongoing, every moment battle to be aware of the life or death that is coming from my mouth.
But it is one worth fighting for.

What comes from your mouth when you speak?
Life or death?

What marks are you leaving?
Ones that build up or ones that destroy?

What is one step you can take to change?
Today make your mouth a fountain of life.

New Signature

Do you struggle with mom anger? 
I want to encourage you to check out this book, Count to Nine: Nine Liberating Steps for Mom Frustration and Anger. It has been a life changing tool for me and I know so many of you would greatly benefit too.

It’s your turn to link-up for this weeks Tuesday Talk!New Tuesday Talk
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