The second Friday of the month is mail day! It’s the day I write random snarky & sarcastic letters full of complete randomness that is bound to get me in “trouble” some how 😆 . Seriously y’all I love these posts and I hope they make you laugh as you read them. I also hope you realize that everything within this post should be taken with a grain of salt.
So now that I have laid out my disclaimer, let’s get started!
Next time you decide to poke fun at your neighbor (see last months letter post) you should really consider the fact that they might read your blog and see such pokes… and you will feel like the back side of a horse. Oh my word y’all I felt so terrible 😳 . Thankfully he was very understanding and accepted my apology. I really feel like I should have added some homemade cookies to sweeten the things, but this no sugar ordeal means I haven’t baked in nearly a month! I would also like to add that he is a GREAT neighbor, really.
So long story short, #1 these posts will now always and forever have disclaimers at the beginning of them and #2 you should never assume things… you know what they say happens when you assume.
Dear People on Facebook,
I can’t even tell y’all how many times I post our house to a group on Facebook and I get asked “Will you rent it?!” Pretty sure if renting was an option, I would have said that. I guess I should just start adding that to my post. I mean, I know rentals can be a great investment… but if I ever want to build a new house I kind of need my equity money back. And don’t even get me started on all the realtors who want to list my house for me 🙄 .
Who would have thought that you are much more slippery when you are clean. Apparently my “new-found” skill of keeping the tubs spotless is causing my daughters to fall in the shower more often.
Dear Alice Cooper,
Thank you for writing the perfect celebratory school’s out song. I listen to it full blast every single year.
Thank you for working so hard and being a super smart girl. You blew your placement test out of the water this year and I want to tell you all about it but you don’t need to get cocky, so I won’t.
Seriously though. Girlfriend aced her math and social science sections and her language skills were nothing short of impressive. She is such a hard-working student and I couldn’t possibly be more proud of my little 3rd grader… errrr, 4th grader now 😥 .
Dear Egg Whites,
You get old fast. I love that you are a healthy source of protein but eating you ever single day gets to be a bit much. Eggs on toast, egg burritos, eggs on waffles (all whole grain & sans butter, of course 😉 ) I need some new ways to eat eggs pronto friends. Does anyone have any genius ideas or should I just put them in a smoothie? Eeeeewwww, okay I just crossed a line and grossed even myself out.
Dear Library Kiosk,
Thank you for letting me pay my fines in secret without the feelings of shame when the librarian loudly announces my fees as if she is broadcasting it for all to hear. I honestly didn’t realize that my child had lost a book in her toy box and I am sorry that I avoided the library for a few months after said book was returned. It wasn’t intentional. I just don’t visit the library during cold and flu season.
Dear Tiny Box of Curriculum,
I wish I had a video of my face when I opened you up and saw the smallest pile of resources and papers than I had spent $90 on 😕 . Talk about a punch to the gut. But it was something we had to have and there was only one place to buy them, so that’s just what happens I suppose. On the other hand, Russ has been super supportive and keeps reminding me of the bright side of the picture. Still the thought of buying any more school books makes me nauseous.
Dear Baby Guy NYC,
Thank you for being hilarious. The video of you trying the Unicorn Frap and you comparing it to Amoxicillin made me #lololololol. The winner for the best description ever goes to you! Not that I would know first hand. If I consumed that much sugar I think my heart would implode.
You are truly the unsung heroes of the world and the glue of the family. I hope you have the best Mothers Day and that it includes all of the things that make you happy.
My family taking photos with me.
Coffee, lots of coffee.
The day off from refereeing fights.
Not having to cook all day long.
Have a great weekend friends!
We’ll see you back here on Monday.
Linking up with Taz and Belly for Little Letters.