Waiting, Tuesday Talk V16

Lately life has felt like one giant roller coaster ride and if I am being honest, I just want to get off.
I don’t want to adult anymore.

Ever feel that way?

When Emily barely bumped her head two weeks ago her eyes went crossed.

Emily eyes
I was scared to death.
Just imagine your child looking right at you like this for just a moment.
A child who had just woken up seemingly normal. 

Er visits, ophthalmologist visits, optometrist visits, visual testing, consultations, we’ve done it all. Each appointment is harder than the last to wait for. I wanted Emily’s vision fixed yesterday. The thought that she is running around seeing the world so unclear is tormenting this mama’s heart. I know she has adapted over the years, kids are resilient, and she doesn’t know any better.

Waiting is still hard.

Emily Eye
Diagnosis so far have included: astigmatism, extremely far-sighted (even once she has glasses she will only see 60/20 out of her right eye), esotropia, strabismus, & convergence insufficiency. We go to our last appointment this morning and I feel a pit in my stomach over it. We want to do what is best for Emily. We want Emily to have EVERY opportunity to overcome her visual difficulties now,  before they begin to affect her education. But with no guarantees and the insanely high & uncovered cost of vision therapy we are feeling all of the emotions.

In my head I think I imagined things being much more surface level and easier to fix. I didn’t imagine things being this emotional, frustrating, or complicated. I feel plagued with guilt over how I am coping with all of this. Reminders that we have so much to be thankful for and it could be worse are supposed to spur me to thankfulness, but they just seem to pile feelings of guilt onto the other array of emotions I have.

I know I should be thankful, I know this all was discovered in Gods perfect timing, I know I should rejoice in the Lord ALWAYS, but I just don’t feel it right now.

So where does that leave me?

Right now in this moment when I don’t feel like rejoicing in the Lord, I will wait on Him knowing this. 

But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;
    they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
    they shall walk and not faint.
Isaiah 40:31

I will wait and I will trust in a God who has never once forsaken us.
That He is Good in ALL things.

Until my heart can rejoice, I will wait upon Him.

Thank you for standing with us and praying for our Emily.

Now it’s your turn to link up for this weeks Tuesday Talk!TuesdayTalk2016-3
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Emily at Raising Barnes | Pinterest | Instagram
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59 thoughts on “Waiting, Tuesday Talk V16

  1. Oh sweet Emily! She does not look impressed in that last picture. Poor thing. I hope you guys get clearer answers soon.

  2. Remember, He has you in the palm of His hand, even if you don’t feel it. All of this is a grief process. Yes, grief. It comes in many forms. “Feel” your feelings towards all of this and don’t worry about “how you SHOULD feel.” Just feel and you’ll move on when you have worked through it all.

  3. Oh yes that definitely sounds like a roller coaster I’d want to get off of too! I think people discount the emotional side when dealing with medical issues. I personally trust in medicine and science, but the waiting and uncertainty is the hardest part and get really do a number on you… Especially as a mama. I’m hoping you and Emily get some answers quickly and you can start to work on these new vision difficulties.

  4. Still praying for you sweet friend. Praying for strength each day. Remember. One day at a time. Enjoy today. And He is enough – just for today.

    1. Thank you so much. Now you can see even more how your post yesterday spoke so clearly to my heart. I had actually wrote this post late last week and planned to share it over the weekend. But I shared it with Stephanie and she told me this wasn’t a weekend post and encouraged me to rearrange my schedule to share it on a week day. So when I read your post that echoed some of my feelings last night, I just sat there and cried. Apparently God has a message that I NEED to hear.

      Thank you for that reminder, I need to write that on my hand today. I feel like I am just bracing myself for impact. I am not alone and He is faithful. No matter how I feel today. Feelings lie, I must remember that.

  5. Sending you all prayers and love! Waiting is the hardest thing to do when theres so much uncertainty. You have the greatest source of strength in the Lord, amen!

  6. Praying for answers for you! Reading this hurt my stomach, so I can’t imagine what you are feeling. In my last Bible Study Priscilla Shirer explained how thanksgiving releases peace. You are so right to count your blessings, and I hope it brings you an enormous amount of peace. God’s got this situation!

  7. Sending up prayers for you and your sweet family, friend. Waiting is the hardest, but I pray that you find peace in that scripture and in Him. Big hugs!

  8. Oh momma. I’m so sorry you’re all going through this. Waiting is the hardest. Continued prayers for you all!

  9. Ah…sweet momma I know your heart is struggling. I walked this walk when Dillon was 7 and he had a growth plate issue causing him to have severe heel pain and ultimately for about 12 weeks could not stand to put weight on his heel and for the first 6 weeks we had no diagnosis. It was so heartbreaking to see him struggle and have no answer and not be able to solve it ourselves. I’ll never forget walking into physical therapy and at the end of the initial meeting the PT asked if he could pray with us. I was blown away and knew God was right beside us. I will be praying for you and your sweet girl.

    1. Oh goodness, it is Just so hard for mama’s to see their babies suffering. That is AWESOME too, what a great story to look back on and remember Gods faithfulness. Thanks for the prayers.

  10. Praying- it is so hard in these waiting times. And insurance is so frustrating! I feel like we are constantly caught in the in between where insurance doesn’t cover things, we make too much to get help but not enough to easily cover therapies ourself. Such a frustrating thing!

    1. Yes, yes it is. Vision therapy isn’t even covered my any insurance. I guess there is a lot in question about it effectiveness, so they don’t recognize it as a covered thing. All of that just makes the price tag that much more difficult to swallow. Crazy.

  11. Oh my goodness my friend, waiting is so very hard and especially when it concerns our babies! Hugs and prayers for strength for you and your family that answers will come soon.

  12. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. I understand the struggle of not knowing, but I promise you that you WILL get through this! Sending lots of prayers your way!

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